IN OUR DAY SCHOOLS AND YESHIVOT:
Dr. Chaim Y. Botwinick
Disclaimer: This article is not based solely on this writer’s experience in any one particular day school or yeshiva; but rather through a confluence of credible and validated perceptions and experiences as reported by informed sources.
Over the past several years, I have written numerous articles, blogs and posts regarding the ongoing struggles, challenges and state of derech eretz, character development and middot of students attending our Jewish day schools and yeshivot.
These challenges are not new to our Jewish day school or yeshiva community. But, much to our disappointment, the lack of middot and derech eretz on the part of students in many of these schools are now becoming more prevalent.
Although it is somewhat rich or unfair for me to paint a portrait of our day schools and yeshivot with one single brush stroke, we do know that a growing number yeshiva and day school educators, administrators, teachers and even parents when asked, report that our day school and yeshiva community is at a serious inflection point and crossroads as they relate to the state of derech eretz and middot of our students.
As an educator and consultant to numerous day schools and yeshivot, I ask the non-rhetorical questions – how has our day school and yeshiva community reached this stage? Where and how did we miss the boat? And finally, the ultimate question…. who is responsible for the current state of affairs and how do we get our schools and their students back on track?
The challenge of who is responsible to whom for the state of derech erectz, or lack thereof in our day schools and yeshivot is a challenge of monumental significance; and demands a response.
In a modest attempt to respond to these challenges, I will not point fingers or play the proverbial “blame-game.” To be sure, there is indeed sufficient undeniable evidence and blame to go around, as painful, embarrassing and as disappointing as they may be.
Reasons and Causes for the Current State of Affairs
It is no surprise that our Jewish day school and yeshiva community are now experiencing an increased proliferation of student middot that are absent respectful behavior or derech eretz – whether it be in our schools, community or in our homes.
As I have indicated in numerous articles and posts, more and more folks are blaming this condition or state of affairs on our society and zeitgeist; and that disrespectful youth are viewed as “just another mirror image of society.”
Unfortunately, these excuses have become very stale and are no longer acceptable or palatable. In fact, as a Jewish community that believes, espouses and supports the concept of derech eretz kadmah l’torah, we are obligated do much better job.
Accepting the status quo or blaming the current matzav on societal norms and standards is a very slippery slope, convenient and familiar, as well as a dereliction of duty and responsibility on the part of our Jewish community, our families and our institutions.
The proliferation of less than desirable middot on the part of our youth, and the absence of derech eretz on the part of our students, is a condition which must be addressed, controlled and managed immediately. Full stop!
Although there is sufficient blame to go around, I put the onus for this unfortunate phenomenon mostly at the feet of parents who for years have unfairly relegated the responsibility for parenting best practices as well as teaching and modeling derech eretz and middot tovot to our schools.
The assumption here is that schools, their faculty and administrators are better prepared, experienced and equipped to take on this awesome responsibility.
Those of us who work tirelessly in chinuch, know full well that these parental perceptions, and expectations are unfair and unfounded.
In addition, today, we are now witnessing a growing number of parents with larger families Baruch HaShem, who are time-starved due to child-rearing responsibilities and job-related obligations. As a result, these parents find it increasingly difficult and challenging to spend the desperately needed quality time and attention with their children. Therefore, they cannot possibly succeed in modeling derech eretz and middot tovot in a fashion that impacts directly and positively on their children.
Very few if any parents are actually trained to model derech eretz or middot tovot for their children.
Some people will posit that parental modeling is innate; others opine that parents must work long and hard to provide their children with role modeling behavior. Either way, the role and responsibility of parents to provide their children with a foundation upon which to build exemplary character and middot tovot remains an imperative.
This reality also holds true for a growing number of day school and yeshiva teachers and rabbeim who are in desperate need of training, skill, expertise and knowledge about how to engage students in meaningful and healthy conversations regarding their attitudes and behavior in the classroom, at home and in the community.
This perception should not in an way suggest a lack of respect for our day school and yeshiva teachers, rabbeim or administrators; nor should it diminish our gratitude to them for their unwavering dedication and unswerving commitment to chinuch. Many are inspiring master teachers who themselves are very respectful, knowledgeable and passionate about their jobs, responsibilities and careers. And, must be respected as such.
Over the years, I have observed and supervised a growing number of rabbeim and teachers who inspire and encourage exemplary middot and derech eretz in their classrooms by providing their students with sincere empathy, understanding, positive feedback, and amazing kindness. Students in fact recognize these teacher attributes and appreciate the manner in which they are treated and engaged. To be sure, it supports the contention that it is far more effective for teachers to encourage and attract respectful student behavior by offering them (students) “honey” (kindness and understanding) rather than by offering them “vinegar” (criticism and rebuke).
Is it easy? Absolutely not. We need more teachers and faculty who are trained in this fashion and who exhibit these characteristics and positive healthy dispositions.
Unfortunately, these teacher dispositions, attitudes and responses may not be commonplace in many of our day schools and yeshivot. In fact, a growing number of rabbeim and teachers suffer from stress and burnout due to student disciple issues, a lack of support from parents and a school administration which does not have strictly enforced student discipline policies or protocols. As a result, many even opt to resign from the school or worse-yet, teaching profession, for less stressful working environments.
Although there are a wide array of in-service teacher training programs, workshops and seminars which focus upon student behaviors and discipline, and how teachers should navigate them in a meaningful manner, they are by and large temporary in nature and sporadic at best. Moreover, they hardly ever fully move the needle forward on the gauge.
When I approach teachers, rabbeim, select principals and heads of school with this challenge, their responses are relatively uniform and consistent. Many are indeed frustrated, at a loss for solutions or ill equipped or prepared to respond to the challenge.
This sad reality holds true for limudei kodesh (Judaic studies) and limudei chol (secular studies) faculty and administrators.
As a result, we see the current situation spinning out of control as we witness tremendous turnover of teachers and rabbeim who no longer have the bandwidth, skill-set, fortitude, energy or patience to waste precious classroom time disciplining students or responding to the growing lack of derech eretz on the part of their students – whether they be in the classroom, in school lunchrooms, on class trips, hallways, at assemblies or on our school basketball courts.
There are also a growing number of yeshiva and day school teachers, and administrators who are very reluctant to complain about their students for fear that they will either upset parents, be viewed by supervisors as teachers with poor classroom management skills or run the risk of being accused of “turning-off” students to Judaism and yiddishketit.
More recently, I even heard select principals and heads of school claim that disciplining their students for exhibiting a lack of derech eretz and middot in the classroom or school, minimizes the school’s ability to positively influence students and may even increase the likelihood that these students will rebel and “go-off- the-derech.” Indeed a very lame, convenient and poor excuse for not confronting this challenge directly and head-on with wisdom, empathy and sensitivity anchored in best practices.
Yes, it is imperative to address these student behaviors, discipline issues and concerns with compassion, understanding, sensitivity and respect. But, they must be addressed and should never be swept under the rug, as so often happens for fear of upsetting parents or other day school/yeshiva stakeholders or board members.
The other tremendously important unknown but nevertheless critical reality, is the negative impact these students have on other students who are well behaved, respectful, eager to learn and conduct themselves in accordance with school policy and expectations, and in accordance with the school’s commitment to the concept of derech eretz kadmah latorah.
With regard to parents, it behooves our day school and yeshiva community to begin holding parents more accountable for their children’s behavior in school. As just indicated, it is no longer “ok” or acceptable for parents to absolve or acquit themselves from this critically important responsibility.
Although this may sound obvious, the lack of parental responsibility and accountability regarding the behavior of their children in schools, at home and in the community is beyond daunting. At best, demands a serious response on the part of our schools and community.
The implications of this reality are significant, and suggest a variety of critically important strategies and responses which should be considered in partnership with the school and community. This is in addition to the undeniable evolving role and responsibility of parents.
Suggested Strategies and Responses
First and foremost, as just indicated, parents must be held accountable for their children’s behavior and attitudes in school, at home and in the community.
With regard to the parent-school relationship, it is essential that parents take full responsibility when a child either misbehaves in school, addresses teachers with a lack of derech eretz, uses inappropriate language or behaves in a manner that is not in concert with the school’s policies, philosophy or hashkafa.
The role of the school must therefore be to ensure that there are direct and consistent consequences for a student’s misbehavior and lack of derech eretz. This also means that the school should not compromise on this requirement, irrespective of how difficult, vocal or “influential” a particular parent may be in the school community.
This requirement, albeit difficult to implement, can overtime potentially transform the manner in which schools comply with student standards of derech eretz, discipline, exemplary behavior and conduct. In fact, most of the senior educators I speak with or coach, strongly suggest that many schools do not have a serious or meaningful culture or approach to consequences. As a result, disrespectful student behavior in our schools is not viewed seriously by students and will only devolve into a continuous vicious cycle.
If this topic is of real concern, it must have traction, leverage and ‘teeth’. Otherwise, we will slip into a state of complacency, resulting in same-old-same-old.
In addition to this requirement, schools should be mandated to offer in-service training for their respective faculty, teachers and rabbeim which enforce these policies, best practices and a culture which demands compliance with the school’s student discipline standards.
This should include the mandatory requirement for parents to participate in ongoing parenting workshops and seminars in real time or via zoom.
Implementation of these school policies will not be easy, especially when schools try to enforce consequences. This suggests that if these interventions and consequences are not realized or are successful, parents will be informed that their child will need special counseling or intervention or worse yet, expulsion from the school. Indeed, a very difficult and painful outcome or eventuality.
It is important to note that we owe these actions and requirements to the other well-behaved and respectful students who must never be denied a healthy and wholesome learning environment in which to grow, develop and flourish as students. We also owe it to their parents who invest hard-earned salaries in order to afford day school and yeshiva tuition for their children.
Other considerations for helping to improve the current status of student character development and student derech eretz and school cuture may include: the 100% prohibition of cell phone and social media devices in school, rewarding exemplary student behavior through public recognition; inviting guest speakers, scholars and lecturers to the school in order to address these challenges directly with students, faculty and parents; the display of signage throughout the school which remind students about the importance of middot tovot; the offering of special assemblies which highlight people and events that encourage, inspire and celebrate derech eretz, and, the creation, design and/or identification of solid curricula which teach about the critical importance of middot tovot and derech eretz as a way of life.
Finally, it is essential that our community and their respective schools have the commitment, understanding and resources in order to make these initiatives happen. Needed however is a true willingness and a sincere sense of urgency that the teaching and modeling of derech eretz, exemplary character and middot, are just as important and critical as the teaching of other important core academic subject areas.
Endnote:
As I conclude this article, I know full well that there will be those in our community who vehemently disagree with several of my perceptions, contentions, assumptions or suggestions.
Whether they disagree because my assumptions are incorrect or because of sensitive political expediency, only they will know the answers for sure.
Having said that, the undeniable fact is that our yeshiva day school system is in jeopardy and that unless we take bold, responsible and decisive action, we will continue to perpetuate a day school and yeshiva environment that begs for change and improvement. It must involve a true paradigm shift in its approach to instilling derech eretz, exemplary character and middot in our children.
Finally, we should require that all Jewish day schools and yeshivot create and implement a derech eretz and middot curriculum and culture conducive to the vision and philosophy of the school.
Teaching our students about exemplary middot, character and derech eretz can no longer be viewed as an appendage, or as a commentary to a particular piece of text, but rather as an important core subject area and as an organic cultural and curricular component of our Jewish day school and yeshiva system and educational experience.
It is imperative that these subjects translate into real time pedagogy – both in limudei kodesh and limudei chol. No compromises, no excuses, no wavering. Full-stop.
Moving forward, as we try desperately to respond to this daunting challenge, let us hope and pray that our Jewish day school leadership view these challenges with commitment, passion, a sense of urgency and due-diligence. The alternative can be potentially disastrous for the future health and wellbeing of our students. This is an eventuality which we cannot afford to accept under any condition or circumstance.
The one who plants seeds of hope and promise, will be blessed to reap the benefits from its fruits.
About the Author:
Dr. Chaim Botwinick is a senior executive coach and an organizational consultant. He served as president and CEO of the central agency for Jewish education in Baltimore and in Miami; in addition to head of school and principal for several Jewish day schools and yeshivot. As a teacher Influencer, he has published and lectured extensively on topics relating to education, leadership, strategic planning and resource development. Dr. Botwinick is co-founder of LEV Consulting Associates and is the producer/host of the Chinuch Horizons podcast series. He is the author of Think Excellence, Brown Books, 2011.
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